Are you in a codependent relationship?
- Are you paying all of the bills?
- Does your partner refuse to get a job?
- Are you being emotionally mistreated?
- Does your partner makes you feel “crazy”?
- Do you feel like you just cannot live without your partner?
- Are you constantly bending over backwards or walking on egg shells?
You might be in a codependent relationship.
Codependency is no fun
- You are constantly shoving down negative emotions.
- You are prone to headaches.
- You feel like there is no right answer.
- You feel like you are the only one struggling to make the relationship work.
So, you may have just realized you’re in a codependent relationship.
Do you have to end your codependent relationship?
This is up to you. You may want to improve your boundaries and self esteem in an effort to leave this relationship, but no, you do not HAVE to leave. But, you do need to learn some boundaries.
What are the minimum things your partner needs to do in order to stay in a relationship with you?
- Get a job?
- Go to couples counseling?
- Clean the house?
- See a psychiatrist?
- Contribute financially?
- Stop using substances?
Develop a your minimum list of what they need to and attach a timeline for when each expectation needs to be accomplished.
Be willing to walk away if your needs are not met. It is necessary to walk away, even temporarily to show your partner that you are serious. If you are not willing to leave then your partner will never change.
Give them an opportunity to prove to you that you are worth it (that’s the timeline), but if they are not willing to meet your minimum needs, leave.
How will you know that they are not willing to meet your minimum needs?
It will be through phrases like:
- I’m working on it (but no progress is ever evident)
- Don’t worry about it
- I’ll get around to it.
- Don’t you love me?
- Why do you have to be like that?
Being alone may be better than a bad relationship
Learn to enjoy your own company so that you do not feel like a bad relationship is better than no relationship.
Spend some time with yourself. Go on hikes, go to the beach, enjoy bubble baths, do some yoga, practice meditating.
It may be uncomfortable at first because you have stuffing done so many negative emotions, but allow those feelings to come up and express themselves. This is how we gain mental clarity.
Make a list of what you enjoy or appreciate about yourself. Then look for opportunities to use those skills or qualities. This will improve your self esteem and improve your ability to spend time with yourself and maintain your boundaries.