What the heck is an empath?
Simply put an empath is someone who is very sensitive to the people around them. They pick up the mood, energy, and body language of others. Because of this extra sensitivity, they often get their feelings hurt by things other people may not even notice.
Love Addiction and the Highly Sensitive Person
Because many empaths and other highly-sensitive people have an almost Spidey-Sense to any perceived slights against them, many of them turn to sex at an early age to “fit in”. This is a desperate attempt to avoid possible abandonment or rejection by their peers.
As a result, empaths and other highly-sensitive people who do not feel supported fall easily into peer pressure as an attempt at validation. They may fall into unwanted or unfulfilling sexual activities, drinking, smoking, or drug use as a desperate attempt at finding a connection with others.
These behaviors make empaths easy targets for people who only want to use them. When empaths realize that others do not truly like them, but only tolerate them for what can be gained, the empaths are further hurt at the abandonment and rejection that follows fueling a vicious and hurtful cycle.
Empathy and substance abuse
Continued abandonment and rejection is too hurtful to bear which leads to further substance use and substance abuse as a way of numbing the emotional pain that comes from being so sensitive and empathic.
Non-supported Empaths just feel so overwhelmed and they do not what to do there is all this chaos swirling around them so they try sex, they try alcohol, they try SLAA, they try a new city, they try a new job, they try religion, they try therapy, they try CODA, they try drugs, and none of it seems to work.
What’s the lesson?
Our own validation can only come from ourselves. Our own acceptance must come from us. We cannot heal by finding the right city or the right job or the right mate. We are our mate. We are our own first love.
We must first accept and validate ourselves before love and acceptance from others can feel real. Healing can only come from ourselves.
As empaths, we must hear this message over and over before we get it. It took us years to turn against ourselves. We are not going to heal all of that in 2-3 therapy sessions. We need reminders of our own innate goodness.
We are good (enough)
Some helpful reminders, affirmations and mantras:
~You did the best with what you had at the time
~You are enough
~You are valuable
~Do not let the inability of others to see your worth trick you into thinking you have none.
~You are the one you’ve been waiting for
~I love who I am because I have fought to become her / him
~I am worthy of respect
~I am my priority